Valentine’s Day, Dating Apps & Commodification of Love

"February isn't just a month; it's a heartbeat—each day pulsing closer to Valentine's week, where love writes its own story in the language of roses and whispers."

Sounds too flowery? Well, it’s not that flowery. Recall the 2024 sales during Valentine’s week was double the usual days -- of roses, gifts, chocolates, the list goes on. In the race of fitting into these capitalist-made norms that yearn for material things, we are somewhere failing to recognise our emotional bonds.  

Valentine’s Week is known for its ‘celebration of love’, but it also creates social and cultural pressures by promoting the idea that love must be expressed through material gifts or elaborate gestures. Marketing, social media, and entertainment create expectations that participation in these norms is necessary to validate relationships. This often leads to stress in romantic partnerships, as people feel obligated to meet societal standards or compete with other’s celebrations online.

The emphasis on visible displays often overshadows genuine emotional connection. Additionally, it marginalises those who are single, financially constrained, or value non-material expressions of love, reinforcing consumer-driven norms at the expense of authenticity and inclusivity. Facing emotional pressure, several people may feel obligated to partake in these consumer rituals to avoid disappointing their partners or to maintain their image on social media. As a result, the sincerity of the emotion often tends to become secondary to the act of giving or receiving gifts.  

This is not the only channel for commercialisation of love. How can we forget the modern method of “finding love” via dating apps, which has significantly altered the landscape of romantic relationships globally, and India is no exception. With a rapidly digitising society, platforms like Tinder, Bumble, and Hinge have gained immense popularity in urban and semi urban areas. The revenue of the online dating market in India is projected to reach $68.41million in 2025, as per one estimate.

Dating platforms, once seen as niche tools for meeting new people, have now become an integral part of how individuals form, navigate, and maintain relationships. This approach to dating, often dominated by algorithms and data-driven matching, encourages users to treat emotional connections as marketable goods. The experience of love, attraction, and intimacy becomes increasingly mediated by technology, where algorithms—designed to predict compatibility based on data points—decide who meets whom, and how.

In this endeavour, users engage in a constant cycle of swiping, matching, and evaluating potential partners, often reducing complex human emotions to a series of choices made in a matter of seconds. While these platforms promise the ideal of "true love" or a “compatible partner”, they simultaneously foster an environment where emotional value is commodified, packaged, and sold to users, based on consumerist principles.

Dating platforms like Tinder and Bumble use AI (artificial intelligence) and machine learning to analyse user data for compatibility, relying on algorithms, like Tinder's "Elo-based" system, which ranks users' desirability, or Bumble's behavioural metrics. However, these globally developed systems often reflect Western ideals of attractiveness and compatibility.

As per a survey by Carolyn Lauckner, many participants reported negative experiences while using dating apps, specifically mentioning instances of deception or catfishing and race discrimination. It is widely seen that preferences and systemic biases embedded in these algorithms can perpetuate exclusion, with several studies revealing that lighter-skinned women receive more attention.

On dating apps, the emotional labour is both internal and external. Users swipe profiles, select the most flattering photos, and strategise responses to appeal to an audience. That leads users to curate an ideal self for presentation, which diminish their self-esteem in the long run. The issue here is that it creates an echo chamber of opinions, never allowing exposure to people with diverse characteristics. This inevitably results in discrimination against minorities and marginalised groups, reinforcing existing biases and deepening social divisions.

The ‘premium’ model of dating apps offers advanced features through paid subscription creating a digital divide. Paid features enhance visibility and matching success, commodifying romance and sidelining economically disadvantaged groups. Social hierarchies persist as users infer caste and religion through profiles, leading to discrimination and echo chambers, while rural and non-English-speaking users remain marginalised. These platforms, while expanding romantic opportunities, often reinforce societal inequalities

Tinder’s swipe-based system reduces human interactions to transactions, leading to feelings of objectification and dehumanisation. It also fosters instant gratification, contributing to ghosting, anxiety, and reduced trust in relationships, while its algorithmic filtering reinforces biases and limits meaningful connections. This digital reflection of cultural norms raises concerns about fairness, diversity, and inclusivity, impacting user experiences and societal dynamics. Understanding these challenges is crucial to addressing the intersection of technology, culture, and relationships in modern India.

In India, the emotional labour demanded by dating apps is shaped by unique cultural and societal pressures. Users are required to curate profiles that align with both modern ideals of individuality and traditional values of respectability. This dual burden is particularly pronounced for women, who must strike a balance between projecting independence and adhering to familial expectations. For example, a woman showcasing her professional achievements might also emphasise her traditional values in subtle ways, such as mentioning family or cultural interests. This constant self-monitoring and curation reflect sociologist Arlie Russell Hochschild’s concept of "deep acting," where users internalise the emotional labour required to reconcile these conflicting demands.

To democratise dating in India, culturally sensitive algorithms and inclusive practices are essential, addressing the complex interplay of technology, culture, and relationships.

In India, gender dynamics on dating apps are shaped by patriarchal norms, with male users outnumbering females (62:38 ratios on Tinder), leading to harassment and unsolicited messages. A 2020 Bumble survey found 83% of Indian women experienced inappropriate behaviour.

The algorithms also favour Eurocentric beauty standards, side-lining Indian skin tones and body types, reinforcing biases linked to media and advertising. The swiping culture prioritises physical appearance over deeper compatibility, marginalising those who don't meet idealised beauty standards. This superficial approach overlooks cultural values and familial expectations.

The swiping culture on dating apps in India also creates addictive, dopamine-driven cycles that prioritise instant gratification and superficial connections, often leading to low self-esteem, especially among marginalised groups. The emphasis on appearance over deeper compatibility, coupled with societal pressures, exacerbates mental health challenges.

To address these issues, platforms should prioritise algorithmic transparency, inclusive design, and localised features, such as caste-neutral filters and enhanced safety for women and LGBTQ+ users.

Affordable access and community engagement are also key to ensuring these platforms are equitable. Promoting meaningful interactions and educating users about shared values can reduce the emotional toll and encourage more genuine connections.

The writer is pursuing Masters in Political Studies, Jawaharlal Nehru University, Delhi. The views are personal.